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From personal experience as an alcoholic and not a medical professional, my answer to the question “do I drink because I’m depressed or depressed because I drink?” is; yes.

My depression from alcohol was the result of several things. Firstly, it was a reaction to the remorse and guilt I felt for the way I was living my life while addicted to alcohol. Even before I realized I was probably an alcoholic, I knew my drinking was something that was controlling my life. Even though I would tell myself I was having a good time and just enjoying the party life, deep inside I simply could not imagine a life without alcohol in it.

What I learned in recovery about alcohol depression is that since I began drinking at such an early age, I never really learned how to deal with my emotions in a healthy manner. Drinking was so often a part of my life that my emotions were numbed out most of the time. It makes sense now that I look back and most of my relationships which never really lasted that long.

As my alcoholism progressed, so did the depressive behavior and thoughts. Even though I managed to abstain from alcohol for several years at one point, I did not learn how to deal with my depression and emotions in a healthy manner and eventually drank again. Drinking just helped numb the uncomfortable feelings. Granted I had no idea that is what I was doing until several years into working a recovery program.

There are still times when I experience slight depression, but I know how to deal with it now and realize that it is only temporary. I have learned tools in recovery that helps me deal with such issues and I know I have help if I need it. I do know that no matter how depressed I may feel in recovery, it’s nothing compared to what I felt while drinking.